Yesterday was the first day I regularly went to work by bike – and of course it rained cats and dogs. When I came home after having dinner with Marcus, who happened to be in Berlin, I was wetted to the bones and therefore seriously pissed. I towelled myself and wanted to quickly check for mails and enter the track I drove at bikemap.net, when my computer screen suddenly went all black.
Of course I did what every IT expert would do in such situation: I jiggled all cables, used a lot of swearwords and repeatedly tried turning it on and off but nothing seemed to have an effect. Obviously something is fucked up beyond any „repair“. What annoys me most is that I have no idea what exactly that would be and how to find out. Where are the good ol‘ days when Manu and Karsten (and their computers!) were just a few steps away?! We always found out what’s wrong by quickly replacing one part after another with parts from each others computers – or with spare parts that seemed to lie around virtually everywhere… glory days.
If you want to show your sympathy please don’t hesitate to push this button:
😉
Well, actually it’s pretty easy to determine what kind of distress your geriatric data processing equipment succumbed to.
All you need is a solid, heavy caliber metal stick of at least 3-4 feet length and a fine, dressing soaked Döner and a handful of beers. In order to get the investigation started, just hand Döner and beer over to me and have me well seated at a nice, highly hooker-frequented observation point.
Then use the metal stick and just – RAGE!! Beat the motherfucking motherfuck out of this motherfucking motherfuck! This PC is the reason for not being a lotto millionaire! Its goddamn noise scared away all the hookers that wanted you to have some of their free samples! It heated your room in summertime, it smutched your dishes, bred mosquito’s, made long distance calls for hours, drank your booze, barked on your carpet (twice) and raped you last Friday when you came home totally wasted!
And guess why?! Because its name is not „YOUPORNLEECH I“ as you expected over all the years! No! Its parents christened it „Fate“!!! And you where harboring this goddamn beast, feeding it expensive power and Jewish lads!! MY JEWISH LADS!!
Damn this thing! It tricked you!!! It was all a lie!! Even the cake!!
So, RAGE! Pay it all back!
Please note: To get a certain investigation result, you should torn your beloved PC to at least 15.000 pieces! Then, if you can see the very Athlon-smoke (don’t breath this!) coming up from the rubbish that was once your motherboard and the metal stick bent from straight to at least an angle of 45° AND you can see me in my cabin looking somehow pleased and amused – by whatever, you can tell with a accuracy of 100% that your PC is about 100% broken and you need pretty much 100% new parts.
This very easy and straight forward hardware analysis is normally only done by experts at MediaMarkt or K&M. But I’m confident you can accomplish this task without any help.
So, how about a appointment next week? Maybe Wednesday in the evening hours?
You know my fav beer, right?
Seems like it’s going to be a really nice wednesday. If this event actually hapens, I’m seriously thinking about joining you. Shall I bring the Döner (a real one, not those „one-bite-wonder-loser parts sold in Berlin)?
Well that sounds like an evening full of fun and science! Unfortunately I don’t want to wait until Wednesday to fix this crap. Maybe you guys can come over tomorrow?
If Ronny brings the Döner (I’ll take one too!), I’ll provide the beer while Markus is going to pick the hookers and the metal stick.
So much looking forward to this. You just can’t beat an evening of tinkering at the computer with your friends!
the precious content you presented do help my research for my company, thanks.
es ist die Netzwerkkarte oder das Netzteil.
es ist IMMER die Netzwerkkarte oder das Netzteil.
öhm … webcam?
Ich warte auf die Fortsetzung.