„I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I’ll be a good defensive driver
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened“
Amanda Palmer, In My Mind
Houston, we have a problem. The year is nearly gone and more and more people start to ask if there will be a calendar this year. The honest truth is that I don’t know. I don’t want to disappoint anyone – but I also don’t know what pics to put in the calendar. When people started asking I told them that I didn’t take too many photos this year (partly because of my injury, partly because of me feeling awfully tired and burned out) and I actually believed this to be true.
When I later checked the actual numbers I realized that I took more photos this year than ever before. I did portaits, a wedding, a conference, an air show, a theater premiere, a sports event, a schooling… I took thousands of pictures. Enjoyable and sometimes educative as though these shootings were, they did leave something to be desired. There is no calendar worthy shots or even art. I did so much photography but I didn’t make good art.
So I guess the positive takeaway from this year will be that I am able to genuinely enjoy the part of photography that I do strictly for business. Not being able to enjoy photography anymore if I do it in a more professional way was something that scared me a lot. Not as much as the fraud police/imposter syndrome does, but that’s a story for a different day.
Will there be calendar for 2017? I can’t promise anything but to try. Disappointing people would make me a fraud after all…